Everyday Heroes - Beth's Story
Beth's Story
by Lisa Konick, Freelance Writer
Bubbly, upbeat, happily married, the mother of two recent high school graduates well on their way to responsible adulthood--all that and more describes Beth, 44, a Sammamish mother of three. But ask her about what it took to get to this point, and Beth shares a story of substance abuse, losing her children, grieving, fighting to get them back, and ultimately reuniting, with the help of a very special foster family.
Beth and her husband had experienced substance abuse issues in their youth, "but we had gotten sober really young," she recalled. As the years went by however, their lives became busy with three young kids, and they started slipping. "We had gotten sober, but then we were not doing all the things you need to do to stay sober, like going to meetings, talking to other recovering alcoholics, being with sober friends.
"Then I was in a car accident and was prescribed pain pills and muscle relaxants, all while doing nothing to maintain my sobriety." Soon Beth was also using alcohol and marijuana, and before long, she tried cocaine. "Within six weeks, I went through thousands of dollars," she recalled. "Life quickly became a living hell for my kids. I would be in the bathroom smoking crack and drinking Jack Daniels. My kids would be pounding on the door, wanting to be fed, and I'd be screaming, 'Quit bugging me! Stay away!' They were very neglected....my 9-year-old was pretty much the parent of the two younger ones."
On January 11, 1999, when her children were 6, 8 and 10, Beth's in-laws, neighbors and friends showed up at the family's home to hold an intervention. That day, Beth and her husband left for separate treatment centers. Beth was a model client at the treatment center, "committed to everything they wanted me to do." But when she got out several months later, her life was not so easy to reassemble. Her husband had met someone at his treatment center and decided to leave her. Her in-laws did not want her to get her children back. A long struggle lay ahead. Eventually, her two sons ended up in the home of Olive Crest foster parents, Shirley and Mark Stoddard. The long road to reunion was about to begin.
"When you say, 'I lost my kids, they're in foster care,' it's the worst stigma you can have," Beth said, "but never once did Shirley treat me like I was not important, like I was not their mother. It was always, 'What can I do to help you succeed?'" Beth's children spent a total of two years in the Stoddard home. "I could go to their house at any time," Beth said. Eventually her visits with her sons lengthened, and then became unsupervised. Finally, the day came for them to return home.
But the relationship with Shirley, Mark and their son did not end there. As Beth returned to day-to-day parenting, shepherded her boys through adolescence, and grieved the court's decision that her daughter remain with relatives, 
the Stoddards were there. With Shirley's encouragement, Beth continued to work on her issues, attend meetings, and stay in therapy, both individually and with her kids. Six years ago, Beth remarried. Her new husband has 22 years of sobriety, Beth has 10 and a half, and they still go to 12-step meetings five times a week.
Beth's kids are nearly grown now -- her older son, 20, attended Bellevue Community College and is now at the top of his class in massage school. Her younger son, 18, just graduated from high school this spring and plans to attend community college as well. The Stoddards hosted his graduation party. "They've come to every graduation, every birthday, everything," Beth said. "I still spend all my holidays with them."
"Beth is just a great example of somebody who came from a situation of brokeness and was restored, able to become healthy again, humble but not humiliated, not carrying around the shame," Shirley Stoddard said with admiration. "She had that sense of determination, being driven by how much she loved her kids. Soon one little success built on another, and another." Shirley, who now works for Olive Crest doing faith-based foster parent recruitment, often takes Beth along with her when she speaks at churches and other houses of worship. "She's able to convey that there's hope for restoration," Shirley said. "And now she's really giving back to the community."
For her part, Beth said, "I will do anything for Olive Crest and for Shirley--I owe them so much." In addition to speaking to prospective foster parents, Beth has mentored many women coming into AA whose children are in foster care. "No one can understand it until they've been through it," she said.
These days, Beth takes life in stride. Returning from a Sober Softball Tournament in Bremerton one recent summer evening, she sat on the ferry, talking about her life today. Even through her recollections were sometimes painful, as when she spoke of the daughter she never regained custody of, Beth's spirit and enthusiasm shone through. "There's an eagle perched on a flagpole right over there," she interjected at one point. "Oh my gosh, Mt. Rainier is so amazing tonight!" Talking with Beth, one can't miss how grateful she is for her children, for the Stoddards, for sobriety, for life itself, the sheer joy of sitting on a ferry deck enjoying eagles and mountains and sunsets.
If she could give any advice to foster parents preparing to work with birth families, it would be "to do what you can to support the bio parents. Look for the hope where the parent is really trying. Do what you can to reunite the family." What birth parents need most, Beth said, is "someone to say 'I am just the person taking care of your kids, until you are the parent they need you to be.'" Difficult as her own experience was, Beth chooses to cast it in a positive light. "I learned to advocate for myself and to advocate and fight for my kids," Beth said. "You have to look for a gift in everything."
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